I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
