am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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