She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
