Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
