He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
