i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
the raccoons are back...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
