tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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