Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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