im about as happy as oj after his trial
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
