Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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