I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
