Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
