all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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