the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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