I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
