dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
