Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
