I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
