Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
