ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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