This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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