I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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