I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
