The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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