so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
