please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Found your dick twin last night
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
