i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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