I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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