I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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