That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
