He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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