highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
