highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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