Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
