I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
