i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
