i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
