Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
