I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
