eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
