They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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