i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
