Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
