This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
