Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
