Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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