A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
