True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
