Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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