Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
