I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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