Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
