I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize