Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
