I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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