Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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