Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
