Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
