He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize