I need to stop coming to work sober
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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