shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
