Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
