Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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