I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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