it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
