Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
