Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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