I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
