i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize
