That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
