i would punch a child for taco bell
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
